Support guides by situation

The way you support someone is rarely the same twice. A neighbour who just lost a partner needs different help from a friend who is caring for a parent with dementia, and both need something different from a colleague who is recovering from surgery. The material below helps you find the right starting point without assuming you know what another person needs.

Every situation guide follows the same four-part shape. Start with listening and consent. Then offer something concrete. Name your boundaries and know when to escalate. Never diagnose, and never take control of someone else’s life. If you are new to supporting someone, start with the listening page before you choose a situation. If you already know the situation, the directory below will take you to the relevant guide.

Support guides by situation: The one question the material below answers

The question is: how do you find the right approach for the specific situation you are in? The answer is not a single script. It is a browsing logic. You identify what kind of support is needed, what the person is willing to accept, and what you are realistically able to offer. Then you match that to a guide that respects their choice and your limits.

The browsing logic: questions before you pick a guide

Before you open any situation-specific page, run through these checks. They will save you from jumping to the wrong kind of help.

1. What kind of support is actually being asked for? Listen before you label. Is the person asking for emotional presence, practical help, information, or just someone to sit with them while they figure it out? The same situation can call for different types of support. A neighbour who lost a parent may need meals; a friend who lost a job may need help rewriting a CV; a relative with a chronic illness may need you to accompany them to appointments. If you are unsure, ask: “What would be most useful to you right now?” and let them answer.

2. Have you checked consent? Support only works when the other person wants it. Before you act, ask a direct question: “Is it okay if I call you tomorrow?” or “Would it help if I came over on Tuesday?” A “no” is not rejection; it is information. If they say they are fine, you can gently reflect that they seem tired, but you do not push. Consent can be withdrawn at any time, and checking it again later is a sign of respect, not indecision.

3. Is your offer specific? Vague offers like “let me know if you need anything” put the entire burden on the person you want to support. A specific offer (“Can I bring dinner on Tuesday?” or “I can walk your dog Thursday morning”) is easier to accept or decline. Specific offers also make a “no” less awkward because the person is declining a concrete thing, not rejecting your help in general.

4. Do you know your boundary? Before you offer help, decide what you can realistically sustain. This includes time, money, emotional energy, and your own limits. If you are already stretched, a smaller specific offer is more honest than a vague promise you cannot keep. The boundary also includes knowing when a situation is beyond your reach, when you need to suggest professional help or a crisis line. Watch for signs of burnout: feeling resentful, dreading contact, or neglecting your own needs. If you notice these, reduce your commitment and seek your own support.

5. Do you know the escalation signs? You are not a clinician, and you should not try to diagnose. But you should know the warning signs that a person needs urgent professional help. These include: talking about suicide or self-harm, expressing hopelessness, withdrawing from everyone, giving away possessions, or a sudden change in mood. If you see these, contact a crisis line or local emergency number. Do not promise to keep it a secret.

6. Do you know what to do in a crisis? If someone is at immediate risk of harm, you are not expected to manage alone. Call your local emergency number (e.g., 999 in the UK, 911 in the US) or a crisis line such as 988 (US) or 111 (UK) for urgent mental health help. Keep the number saved in your phone. If you are unsure whether it is a crisis, call and ask; they will tell you if another service is better. For non-urgent situations, you can still support the person to contact their doctor, a local charity, or a support line.

Before I choose a guide, what should I stop and check? The six questions above form a pre-decision checklist. They exist so you do not offer the wrong kind of help, overstep, or burn out. Return to them whenever a situation feels unclear or when your own resources are running low. The checklist is not a gate; it is a way to make sure your support lands well and does no harm.

Every situation guide follows the same four-part shape: start with listening and consent, then offer something concrete, name your boundaries, and know when to escalate.